G0d, if you are listening, I am not afraid to give birth in jail…. So quit testing me! Between the random strangers undying urge to talk to me and the oh-so annoying adult conversations Brody feels the need to have I am losing what little patience I have left.
Let’s start with Brody. For the past 2 +/- weeks he's been talking about having a sleep over. I can tell you right now that will never happen.
- Because I would have to drink to deal with more than one kid at my house.
- I don’t even watch my own kid, why would I watch someone else’s kid?
- I don’t like noise.
- Knowing Kacy, he'd "have to go out of town for work"
So at first it was kind of cute listening to him ask and watching his little heart break when I’d say no. I kid, I kid :) But seriously, now it’s down right irritating. At first we just kept telling him later, put the persistent little f*cker wouldn’t let it go. After the 16th time of the day I finally asked him who he wanted to stay over so bad.
Brody: Can I have a sleepover?
Me: Ugh, Brody, who do you want to stay the night?
Brody: Erin
Me: NO! Erin is a girl, absolutely not!!
Brody: I know, she’s my girlfriend, that’s why I want her to stay the night
Me: No way, not going to happen, not till you’re married
Brody: Well, you’re married, so you can have girls stay the night.
Me: Brody Allen, go to bed
Then I come home yesterday and the first thing Brody says to me is: “Mom, is it payday, I need money?” I about lost it. Why can’t he just go do things normal 3 year old's do? Go pick your nose in the corner for goodness sake!
Then I have the daily annoyance of complete strangers.
True Story:
I’m wearing the cutest pencil skirt in the word – which I must clarify was NOT maternity – it was actually a size 0 (woot woot). Anywho, I’m standing there, minding my own business, talking to my friends and out of nowhere comes this crazy lady. She totally B-lines it to me and starts rubbing my stomach. Everyone who knows me knows you do not come within 3 feet of my personal space unless you come baring gifts. I am completely shocked and have this look on my face like WTF is going on, am I being punked? As she continues to rub my belly she says “You’re having a boy”. I humor her and say, “Yes, yes I am”.
Crazy Lady: You know how I know?
Me: I dunno, because I’m carrying high…
Crazy Lady: Nope, (crazy lady proceeds to grab the skin under my chin) because you have a double chin, one for him and one for you.
Or how about the lovely conversation I had today with a co-worker
A-hole Coworker: Why is your belly button sticking out?
Me: Because he's done... I'm like a turkey
A-hole Coworker: Well, cover it up, put a band-aid on it or something
Me: Quit looking at it
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