Bitchin'

We have officially started our count down…. EIGHT days until our chunky monkey will be here.  Tomorrow should be my final appointment before they induce.  But don’t expect an update because you won’t be getting one.  I love my family to death, but within 5.2 seconds of any news I’m getting calls and texts out the @$$ about it.  Bunch of noisy f*ckers.  If you are lucky, we will post pictures within a week of his birth :)

I honestly did not think we would make it this far.  Kacy’s prediction was 2/22 and my mom’s was 3/3.  I’ve tried just about everything.  I’ve extended my pedicures to include a 30 minute massage (shout out to the world’s best mom).  I’ve been forcing Kacy to nightly lovin’, which by the way is becoming increasingly impossible… I do know if our careers don’t work out we can always fall back on acrobatics.  I’ve tried to slowly push down on my stomach hoping it would squeeze him out.  I even tried to hot sauce.  I’m about to bust out some Castrol Oil.  This entire time I thought it was the oil you put in your car – but it’s not.   I would totally be up for having the runs for the night if it meant I could get this over with.  If only I would have known sooner….

I spent my entire Saturday out at my aunt’s ranch.  No, that is not a typo…. I was actually at a ranch.  She was putting on a horse clinic (which by the way was AMAZING!!!!) with some famous horse trainer… Buck Brannaman.  Apparently the movie Buck was made after him.  Anywho, because I’m such an amazing daughter, I got roped into going and helping my dad cater the event.  What a flipping beating.  We got there at 7:30 AM and by 11:30 AM I threw in the towel.  I physically could not take anymore.  I moseyed on over to where my mom was working – big mistake.  This fool thought it was funny to start telling random people they might recognize me from the TV Show “Teen Mom” which was a result of me being on “My Sweet Sixteen”. 

It was a whole family affair.  Even my pain-in-the-a sister made it out after “saving lives at Parkland” 7:00 PM – 7:00 AM that morning.  And because I was infested with hormones and she was overly sensitive we got in a fight.  Anthony was being a total brat and I called him a pansy and she totally flipped out on me.  First off – I didn’t say it to his face.  He was to my left and about 15 feet away.  I doubt he even heard me.  Second off – he was putting on a crying show because he threw a stick at someone and didn’t want to get in trouble.   Therefore my actions are justified.  It was a win-win for me, because she stormed out and I didn’t have to take her home. 

I didn’t think the whole ‘going to a ranch 9 months pregnant’ thing through.  Thank goodness my aunt let me use the office restroom.  They had port-a-potties for the average people.  Then of course the last time I try to go before we left someone locked the freaking door.  I had no choice but to use the port-a-potty.  What a nightmare.  Do you know how hard it is to hover while trying to balance a 20 pound basketball on your stomach?  I’m pretty sure my stomach now has AIDS….It was touching the door the entire time – no joke.