The Madison Madness

Holy BaJesus! I have to say without a doubt last Friday was the most insane day to date of my parenting existence. I get a call from Brayden’s school at 11:11 AM saying he has a fever. Of course I was hesitant considering he runs hot with his new accessory. None the less, I haul ass and get to his school and he’s lying down in the director’s office. As soon as he’s sees me, he’s balls to the wall crawling, laughing and lunging towards me. Then they inform me Brody says he doesn’t feel well either and wouldn’t eat his lunch. Off to Brody’s class room we go. I don’t think I have ever seen him look so pitiful. Beat red checks, snot running down his nose into his mouth, one hot ass mess. I am now a believer of superpowers. I literally had to carry Brody on my left hip and Brayden on my right hip. We get out to the car and I realize I have no fucking car seat for Brayden. *You have to be shitting me.* I buckle Brody in and get into the driver seat with Brayden. I’m pissed, livid, defeated and about to cry. Mind you, my house is exactly 0.93 miles away from their school and it is all neighborhood roads, 20 MPH Speed Limit. I call Kacy, no answer. I was desperate. I beg Brody to please just hold Brayden in his lap. He’s not having any of it. I ask Brody to please sit in the middle and let Brayden sit in his car seat. It’s a no-go. *FUCK* I’m sitting there about to cry and Kacy calls me back. As I’m in the mist of my mommy-melt-down, Kacy proceeds to explain Brayden’s spare car seat is in the car seat “parking lot”. *Again, you have to be shitting me.* We have been going to this school for four years and I didn’t even know such a thing existing.

We finally make it to the doctor’s office and as we are about to walk in, Brody stops, turns to the right and starts puking; narrowly missing 3 people, starting a chain reaction of dry heaving from Brayden & I. We end the day a shot for Brody to cure the strep and a prescription for Brayden to cure his ear infection.

Slowly but surely, I am getting better about taking Brayden out in public. I feel like everybody is just staring. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure it’s over Brayden and not over my amazingly good looks, body, hair and attitude god has blessed me with. This B came up to us the other day saying “What’s on his head? What’s on his head?” I told her to mind her own business or Santa will die. Yup, I got in trouble for that one. How was I supposed to know she was only 3? It’s not my fault kids these days are aging terribly. I blame Obama!

As I’m tucking Brody in bed Monday night he proceeds to tell me:

Brody: I kissed Kinsley for real.

Me: EXCUSE ME?

Brody: Kinsley & I went in the playhouse and kissed on the lips.

I immediately screamed for Kacy to come upstairs and talk to Brody. Thankfully Kacy was equally upset. Of course Brody thought it was hilarious and told us to chill out, they were just getting married, so it’s okay.