The Madison Madness: Break It Down

Here is a little re-cap of what’s been going on with The Madisons the past six (6) months:

My favorite sister turned 30
My sweet “niece” Bryn was born
Brayden had tubes put in his ears
I accepted a position at another firm
Brayden turned 1
Surprisingly, my dad celebrated another birthday… the big 58
Brody turned 5
The boys had a combined carnival themed birthday party
Brody & Brayden went to the doctor a combined 13 times
Kacy & I celebrated our 3rd anniversary in Las Vegas! (Although, Brody thinks it was our 6th, so don’t ruin it)
Brayden learned to crawl, walk, slap, pull hair, kick, spit, screech, and put his hand down his diaper while he sleeps.
Brody learned to ride his bike, (which is a HUGE accomplishment. He gave it his all trying to convince us that extending his foot to push the gas petal in his police car was exercise; thanks to the moron who told him stretching is exercise) Spell (which is beyond annoying considering Kacy & I spell everything out) and take a shower by himself.
We added an island to our kitchen (super excited about all the cool gadgets I bought that will probably never get used)
Brody finished his first season of soccer w/his BFF Justin. We had a rough start (Practice is once a week and games are every Saturday. The games are an hour long, its outdoors, fresh air stinks, it makes my hair smell, there are no flipping bleachers and the fields are miles away from the parking lot. The first game my Starbucks splattered everywhere pushing the dang stroller through the jungle, I was completed winded by the time we made it to the field and it rained the entire game), but I will admit, it did get better.
Brody graduated from Pre-K; there may have been some tears shed for that one

I am elated to announce Kacy is no longer the perfect dad. I knew if I was patient, eventually he would slip up. Kacy’s signature move is to pour liquor into a water bottle when we go over to my mom’s house; instead of risking bringing the entire bottle and leaving it. Normally, it’s fine because he drinks Seven, which is brown. Well…this time he decided to bring Bacardi. As we were walking out the door to go to a restaurant with my family, Brody grabs it and takes a huge swig. Queue the tears, gasping, and throat burning. Mind you, I’m already outside putting Bray in his car seat when this happened. So what does Kacy decide to do…? He gives Brody some M&M’s to get rid of the taste. I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that my son is drunk, or the fact he had sugar.

Even after Kacy’s parenting fail, I sent him fishing for father’s day. Previously, we've sent them on guided trips to Texarkana for stripier & Florida for shark fishing. This year we thought Bay fishing in Galveston sounded great. Next year I’m thinking noodling in Alabama. It just so happened that we spent 5 hours driving down on my birthday and 5 hours driving home on Father’s Day. That’s the Madison Way; Fair is Fair.

Trip Break-Down:

We started off an hour behind schedule because my little brother HAD to get a pair of Oakley’s for the trip. Since we have only known about this trip for the last 6 weeks, he didn’t have enough time to prepare.
We jam-packed White Lightning (driven by yours truly) and a rented mini-van (driven by Kacy) with 9 people, 11 bags, 2 large storage containers of food, 2 coolers, 8 fishing poles, 2 kites, 2 boogie boards, 2 Nintendo DS, 2 iPads and one DVD screen with bubbles guppies on repeat.
Driving down Highway 332 at 9:30 PM with no headlights because Grandma C thought it would be a great idea to drive the mini-van home and couldn't figure out how to turn them on. Scariest drive of my life. She did manage to turn on (and keep on the entire way home) both the front & rear windshield wipers.
Not one, not two, but three people awoken by a 50 year old throwing a tantrum. I’m talking a straight up 5 minute fit. Yelling, hands flying, f-bombs dropping, the whole nine yards. Apparently Kacy was driving “erratically” and my mom couldn't keep up. Her story: He was driving 80+ miles an hour, passing cars on one lane / no passing streets and I almost lost him because I was not about to risk the lives of my passengers. His story: I was going 65 MAX, I merely passed a car going 40 so I wouldn't hit him and I don’t like the passengers in my vehicle.
Brayden learned the following words: F*ck, F*cking, F*cked and Bullsh!t thanks to my mother’s tantrum. Have fun explaining that in Sunday school.
Brody caught his very first fish, and accidentally killed it. Poor fellow somehow swallowed the hook and came up a bloody mess. (Just don’t zoom into the picture)
My nephew got 2nd degree burns on his booty from a ride at the Kemah Boardwalk… Almost as funny as the 50-year old tantrum.
Brody had to be pulled from the water three times. Once from falling off his boogie board, another from falling off the turtle float and last but not least for running out of breath. From then on, he was banned to the “shallow circle” as we liked to call it. It was an entire section of the pool that was only a foot and a half deep. The kid has no fears and knows no boundaries.

Brody: This is boring!
Me: Oh, I’m soooo sorry living is boring!
Grandma chimes in to try and make Brody feel better and reason with him
Brody to Grandma: YOU’RE BORING!

Narcolepsy Nikki slept almost the entire trip. Every car ride she was out cold before we left the driveway. She was worse than Brayden. Once, she was even out before she got her seat belt all the way on. Luckily Bray came to the rescue and clicked it for her. Living proof kids listen to catchy slogans: Click it or Ticket, Baby!
Brayden failed us. We thought we’d drum up some entertainment on our drive home by experimenting on him. At our previous pit stop, I bought some Sour Punch Straws and thought it would be hysterical to let Bray try some. Everyone was lined up and ready; Nikki had the candy, my mom had the video rolling and my eyes were on the road. Total let down. Fatty loved it and signed for more the entire 182 miles to home.

And now, for the highlight of the entire trip, and probably my life: We have finally found someone who cannot stand my dad. And that my friends, makes my heart happy. The Captain of their fishing trip and Frank Colletti were like oil & water. I don’t know if he was more annoyed that my dad physically couldn't hear or that he mentally wouldn't listen. He spent half the trip yelling at my dad before he threw up his hands and said, “I’m just going to stand right next to you, so you can hear me.” The other half of the trip he spent saying “Look at me, Frank. Frank, Look at me. Listen, Frank, No – You’re not listening, Frank!”

My Dad: It’s pretty amazing that we are 20 miles from shore and its only 6 feet deep

The Captain: No, it’s really not that amazing

At the very end Joey asked the Captain to take a picture of the 3 of them and all their fish. Of course my dad had to run to the ladies room. The Captain is beyond irked by this point. Joey & Kacy are yelling at my dad to hurry and run, but my dad continues to take his sweet time. The Captain looks at Joey and says “He really doesn't have a sense of urgency, does he?”