The Madison Madness: Better Late Than Never

I would like to start off by dedicating this blog to all the buttholes out there that have pestered me about writing one. Here I go, typing away instead of spending quality time with my offspring or giving it up to the hubster…. I hope you are happy!!!

My sweet baby boy is 5 months old today, weighing in at a whopping 17.2 pounds. That’s after the massive diarrhea he had this weekend. Sunday we had my parents over for dinner. I was upstairs and I hear “Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitt”, I bee-lined it for the closet…. I knew something was wrong. Sure as shit, here comes Kacy up the stairs dropping f-bombs like nobodys business, because Brayden had a massive blow-out…. I’m talking shit flying everywhere – on the kitchen floor, Kacy’s shorts, his flip flops and both pinky toes. It was some Matrix shit, literally. My mom gave Brayden a bath in the sink – my dad got him some new clothes, Kacy took a shower and I rearranged my shoes. I’d say it was a very close call yet a productive 15 minutes.

Brody Man was so embarrassing this weekend. My mom took everyone to this exotic wildlife rescue place in Wylie, which was a blast. We went pretty early, so about ½ of the animals were still sleeping. Loud as could be, Brody kept saying “OH, look at that dead one” “Let’s go over there and see that dead one” “Are they going to bury him in the dirt?”

Fast forward an hour to his nap time.

Me: Brody, let’s go, it’s nap time

Brody: ugh

Me: What’s in your mouth?

Brody: gum

Me: Spit it out, you cannot go to bed with gum in your mouth

Brody: I’ll be fine

Me: No you won’t. You will choke and die and I’ll have to bury you in the dirt with the Tiger

****Brody spits out his gum****Mom and brother give me the WTH look****

Don’t judge me – it worked, didn’t it!?!?!?!

Friday night my mom kept the boys while we went to the Ranger game. The seats were fantastic (Shout out, MOM)! We had a blast until about the 7^th inning. I was so ready to go. Kacy was being a jerk-face and wouldn’t leave, so my bffy & I decided to piss off everyone around us by asking the most off the wall stupid questions “Do they coach pitch, do they wear cups, how come I can’t see the straps on it, can they throw the ball underhand, how come they don’t throw it underhand, why is the douche bag in front of us turning his hat inside out? We did get an answer to the last question, but I forgot what it was. Some superstition crap. However, I do know the passcode to his phone. If anyone knows a Louisiana native that has season tickets for Section 46, Row 4, Seats 1 & 2, the passcode to his iPhone is 3466.

On a side note, I’d like to give a shout out to my bffy, Christy & her hubby, Randy. They are expecting a little nugget in February. I still giggle like a school girl when people say congratulations. If you think about it, you are congratulating her for getting laid. You might as well say: congratulations you spread your legs or congratulations my-what fast swimmers your husband has. I kid, I kid. We are ecstatic and cannot wait for the arrival of Baby Bryn (fingers crossed). Brayden is so excited to get a playmate he pissed himself!