The Madison Madness: Horny

Holy Cow, I can’t believe it’s already September. Last week was a big week for the Madison’s. Brody started Pre-K and Brayden started Jenny Craig. That boy is a machine. We are working on our second tooth and we are now wearing 9 – 12 month clothes.

With the long break we decided to get the little boys out of the house while the big boys went fishing….Heaven forbid just ONCE they take the little boys with them. We went to the Fort Worth Museum of Nature & Science. What an adventure that was. Let’s see, we were there almost four hours, in that time, there were a handful of mini-tantrums (by yours truly), three deuces made (by Brayden), two lost children (Brody & Ant) and a new pet named “Horny”.

Tantrums:

· They didn’t have valet

· They were stingy on the waffle fries

· It was way too flipping hot to keep going to the Dino Dig

· Kacy wasn’t there to change the shitty diapers

Deuces:

· I was okay with the first two and I didn’t mind having to change his soiled outfit, but when the third one came I just couldn’t take it. We are in the gift shop letting the boys pick out their toy and I smell something foul. So like any retarded person would do, my mom hikes his legs up and pulls his diaper down… Brilliant, shit on her finger!! Worked out to my advantage, she went ahead and took Brayden with her.

Lost & Found:

· Brody takes off trying to find me, go figure – I’m changing another poopie diaper. As I’m walking up I hear my mom screaming for Brody, pure panic in her voice, not 2 milliseconds later, here comes Brody. As we are lecturing him about never leaving our side, Anthony takes off to another exhibit. W T F! It’s like they were damn flies going for the bright lights.

Pet:

· Every last toy known to mankind was at the gift shop, and out of all of that Brody chooses a stuff dinosaur. Immediately he names it Horny. Like that’s not bad enough, he starts saying, I WANT TO GET HORNY, I WANT HORNY, over and over and over. Kacy’s mom tried to convince him to name it Tres Horns, but he wasn’t having any of it. So, Horny it is. I’m just waiting for a phone call from his school.

· On a side note, Brody finally cracked me. He has been asking for a pet forever now. He wants a horse really bad and doesn’t understand why we can’t have one. He thinks because our backyard is so big and they sell barns at the “orange store” it’s fine. I had to explain the cops won’t allow it.

o Brody: Well then, will the cops let me have a dog

o Me: Nope, sorry

o Brody: Will the cops let me have a baby dinosaur

o Me: Maybe, if they weren’t extinct

o Brody: Will the cops let me have a fish

o Me: Sure

Looks like the Madison’s will be getting a fish this weekend, Oh Joy!

Kacy has been a little shit head lately. We don’t fight very often, but when we do, it’s go big or go home. He got his 8^th new cell phone of the year; as I was trying to show my brother I noticed his “favorites” and was a little shocked. I was merely trying to inquire why he had my cousin’s husband but not his own mother-in-law. That’s when he tried to play dumb and act like he didn’t know how it got there. A little bickering turned into a full on stare battle with the peanut gallery chiming in – my mom telling us to knock it off and my brother saying we make things awkward as f*ck. As we are getting ready to head out for a night on the town, he decides to bring up for the 5^th time that I spent $40 on a swimsuit for my unborn goddaughter (they haven’t asked yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time). Any-who, after trying to explain how I can’t go swimming with a baby in an ugly swimsuit and how my purchase was justified, it was regularly $75.00 for heaven’s sake, Kacy gets all bent out of shape and says “I’m going to c-u-m on your f-a-c-e if you don’t s-h-u-t-u-p”. Most women would probably get mad or offended, but I just busted out laughing. The kids aren’t even with us and this dork is spelling out his words.